understanding

upon recent reflection, i have come to realize the importance of listening first and speaking second. more times than not, a lot of us feel as if our advice or what we have to offer to a situation with our words is life-changing and effective. although that may be true in some cases, the majority of the time they are just words. i think it is extremely important to offer yourself as an effective listener.

so… i write all of this out of conviction. if i’m being honest… i find myself constantly trying to give my input in situations. i even had a mentor tell me once that i should count to 10 before answering a question to give other people a chance to speak. ha. that was fun.

why is it important to truly listen? well, i’m glad you asked. i don’t answer this as some scholar full of never-ending knowledge. i answer this from my own perspective. there is nothing i remember more than when someone took the time to listen to what i had to say.

it’s important to listen because people want to know that you are willing to set aside whatever it is that you are doing, or whatever it is that may be on your mind to hear what they have to say. our quickest reaction when faced with these moments is to say “well, have you tried this?” “why don’t you do this instead.” “why do you think those things?” and the list goes on…

what really needs to happen is a simple head nod and an attempt at understanding. it isn’t realistic to say that you are going to understand what someone is going through every time you sit down with them, but your attempt at listening and at least trying will go a long way.

well, what do i do if i have no idea how to relate or understand their train of thought? again, i’m glad you asked for my not so expert-like expertise. here’s what i think you should do… tell them the truth. there is nothing wrong with saying “to be honest, i haven’t ever felt that way and i can’t relate to what you are feeling.” okay that sounds kind of harsh though right? well, don’t stop there. that’s just the beginning.

what you might do next is say “but… just because i can’t relate on a personal level doesn’t mean i don’t want to listen to what you have to say. i’m all ears. if you need any advice, feel free to ask, but if you don’t want any, i’d love to hear what’s going on and leave it at that.”

okay so what’s the point. why am i randomly writing about what i think should be a proper response to assisting in carrying other people’s burdens? well, because it’s real life. these things happen (shout out G-Eazy) all of the time. if we decide to be intentional and aware of our surroundings we could really make a difference in the world. i’m not asking you to be a psychologist (shout out to psychologists though yall are the real mvps). i’m just asking you to pay attention, listen well, and respond when necessary. and let me re-emphasize that i write this from a place of conviction. i hope i begin to do these things more consistently in my own life.

well, enough hearing from me. i just thought i’d stop by and share a little bit of what’s on my heart. if you ever want to get into writing like this i encourage you to do so. it’s super therapeutic and you can just type till your beautiful soul is content. in fact that’s what i’m doing right now. i really like the new keyboard on these fancy new macbooks. isn’t apple just so cool? right. i’ll stop now. i hope whoever reads this has a good day. or a good night. or whatever floats your boat.

okay signing off.

love,

e