A New Beginning

On January 20, 2020, the first COVID-19 case in the United States of America was confirmed. Shortly after that, my senior year of college turned into a full-blown online education. And following, a thing we call quarantining was set in stone. And then, when the country looked to be re-opening, sin creeped in at our weakest moment. Racial division reared its head. Political agendas began to be pushed. Innocent people were killed. People I know and love experienced suffering in their health. Jobs were stripped away from people that worked so hard to provide for their families. Everything was dark.

And now, on August 18, we all try to settle into what I would call a new beginning. I have no idea how long we will have to wear masks as a safety precaution. I have no idea how long people will continue to discriminate based on the color of someone’s skin. I have no idea how long the evident divide between our country will tear us apart at the core of who we are. That’s the simple answer to all of it– “I don’t know.”

What I do know… I’ve strengthened a lot of friendships in this weird time we live in. I’ve gotten a lot closer with my family. I’ve spent more time reading my Bible and praying for those in need. I’ve found hope in a simple smile from someone that I care about. I’ve talked about hard things with people. I’ve learned to love. To cherish. To serve. To be grateful.

But that’s not all… I’ve also learned that my mental health, as well as many others, has taken a beating. I’ve at times not been confident in who I am. There are some days where I haven’t even had the mental energy to go about a regular day. I’ve worried. I’ve overthought things. I’ve clinged to the worst case scenario. I’ve told myself I’m not good enough. I’ve felt like something is wrong with me… and the list goes on.

The reality… Well, the reality is, this is life as we know it right now. This is the world that we live in. Broken. Beaten. Engulfed by sin. Dark, with nothing, and I mean nothing consistent.

But wait. That really isn’t true.

There is one thing. The only thing actually. There’s one thing that has yet to change and that’s the Lord God Almighty.

I don’t know why we are surprised by anything that is happening anymore. It should be expected. And there’s a reason for that.

Apart from God, we are nothing. We are dead in our sin. Lost without hope. But, because of Jesus, there’s a smile on my face under that mask that no one wants to wear because I know that regardless of the current stronghold we are facing, He still sits on His throne. It is THAT hope that I cling to.

I often times feel burdensome, misunderstood, or even annoying when it comes to being such a feeler. And well, I guess that’s okay. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my journey so far in this broken world it’s that I can’t please everyone. But also, I have learned that, as a feeler, I can’t expect everyone else to be. Sometimes us feelers have to step back and live a little. After all, the author and perfecter of our faith, Jesus, is in control.

I write all of this with the intention of trying to be relatable. I don’t know who will read this. I don’t know what your opinions will be of this. And I’m okay with that. I write this to whoever needs this. To whoever may feel as if no one understands. To whoever you are, I want you to know I understand and I am thankful for you. You have much purpose in this world and if you put your faith and hope in the only thing that is eternal, Jesus, this new beginning we’ve all started will be easier to understand.

Don’t lose heart. Cast all of your anxieties on Him. Why? Because He cares for you. Whoever you are, just know you’re doing a great job and people are proud of you. If you ever find yourself in a tough place, be reminded that no human being or famous set of words can give you the strength and love that Jesus can. Don’t ever put that pressure on someone else. Did you forget? We are human beings. Imperfect people. Call on the name of Jesus. Infinite in wisdom and forever faithful.

A New Beginning. A new opportunity. A new perspective.

Everything is new. And that’s okay. Just keep doing your thing and remember Jesus’ words in Matthew: “Take heart, for I have overcome the world.”

Love,

E